Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

This step is simple…in a way. All it is stating is for me to believe that I, myself alone, cannot do it and that, in fact, something greater than myself can. Step Two, the way I look at it, is the step of hope. Hope for a better life. Hope for something more than just me trying to control my life. Hope that, if I did what was suggested of me, I could get and stay in sobriety and live a life of recovery. The fact that the door of hope had been opened, I was flooded with newfound optimism in life.

I love that the word “sanity” is in this step. My last night of drinking involved me, more than ten drinks, my friend saving my ass, and me telling her, “I think I’m crazy.”

I honestly thought I was losing my mind. I didn’t know what wit was, I just knew that something was definitely wrong with me. Something wasn’t working–and in my denial, I never once thought it was my loss of control around alcohol. The definition of insanity I like to think about is as follows: “to do the same thing over and over expecting different results.”

But coming to AA and reading the second step helped open my eyes. I wanted to believe something could help me. I wanted to believe in a higher power. I wanted to have a better life. The fact that I felt this way allowed me the opportunity to be willing. To be willing to believe there was something out there that could help restore me to sanity was all I needed. To bring hope to me where I was once defeated.

After admitting, to myself, that I was an alcoholic and that my life was (completely) out of control, I was able to see the possibilities of accepting the second step into my life. I knew I could not do it alone. My family, luckily, was supportive and also an inspiration…with my father a sober member of AA. Armed with willingness and a desire for sobriety, I took to step two and came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.

That little crack in my wall of defense allowed just enough AA to seep into my soul. My body was healing, although I didn’t have a severe withdrawal from alcohol physically–just mentally. I was mentally consumed with alcohol but physically I was sort of okay. Weight came back on (I didn’t eat a lot when I was drinking, sinking down to a low 110 pounds) and the whites of my eyes returned. AA was beginning the healing process. I was willing to have hope. I was willing to have faith. I was beginning to see that I could stay sober if I followed the steps, in order, to the best of my ability.

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